Episode 1: Late Bloomers - Being on Your Own Timeline

In the premiere episode of Distraction Dive, Red and Del dive into what it means to be a late bloomer, especially when you’re navigating life with ADHD. Join two best friends as they swap stories of tying their shoes (or, you know, not) and processing everything through their ADHD lenses.

Transcript

00;00;00;00 - 00;00;39;06
Unknown
The mics are hot. Welcome to distraction dive. My name is Del, and I know all of the words to Shaggy's parts of It Wasn't Me, and I am either unwilling or unable to demonstrate. My name is Red. Welcome to distraction dive. And I can emotionally solve Rubik's cubes. That's. Let's. That's a high IQ move is going to happen.

00;00;39;08 - 00;01;11;29
Unknown
I mean, physically, I you know, I mean, it's kind of like your shaggy thing. I, I'm not going to prove it, but like, emotionally, I'm a Rubik's cube solver. Yeah. You know, I feel like this is one of those things that we think we're good at. And then I'm going to see a video of a child, probably a pre-teen, who is like, somehow astronomically better at it than I've ever been or ever will be, and also simultaneously has recorded it in the finest video and audio quality.

00;01;12;05 - 00;01;33;23
Unknown
Yeah. Where did that camera come from? Where was it like this whole time? I don't know. Yeah. Like, why are you people filming everything? And I didn't pick a place. So you people is safe territory. And how was it directed by Michael Bay. How did you. How did you get that? Holy shit. There's a very specific drummer or YouTuber that I'm thinking of, and I'll talk about that.

00;01;33;23 - 00;01;56;12
Unknown
But anyway, but first we are going to talk about other things. Today we're talking about blooming late being a late bloomer. I am a late bloomer. My name is Dale and I'm a late bloomer. My name is Red and I am also a late bloomer or I. I hope I am a late bloomer. God, I really, really would like that for me.

00;01;56;15 - 00;02;17;26
Unknown
Would you agree that this is kind of the basis of even deciding to do this? Yeah. I mean, I getting diagnosed with ADHD was really it really kind of cemented it for me. At first I thought it was just, anxiety, depression, what have you that wasn't motivating me or like, that was causing executive dysfunction of some kind.

00;02;18;01 - 00;02;36;07
Unknown
But as I got older and got the diagnosis and have it managing your cheese. Yeah, that's a really good way to put that. But yeah. And yeah, I feel that I don't know what the fuck she is, but yeah, yeah. Yeah. I, you know, I heard it from you and I. And I don't know what it means to you.

00;02;36;10 - 00;03;05;08
Unknown
Yeah, I don't. Okay. So to me. Well, okay. I like, as you know, we can talk about this, but I like, read about this. And this is like we were talking about this at the time that we are kind of catching up about your diagnosis and, and, you know, I have pediatric diagnosed. So, you know, we kind of got into what some of our similar experiences were that we had either recontextualized or not.

00;03;05;09 - 00;03;41;18
Unknown
So to me, it's kind of like, I don't know what it is. It's a coping mechanism almost. So I had to kind of go back to the basics. I kind of looked up what it means. Like I, you know, like which scenarios and what have you. And the best thing I could find was, a person whose talents or abilities are not visible to others until later than usual or what is or might be expected, either develop mentally or within the context of neuro.

00;03;41;21 - 00;04;07;28
Unknown
I think it's just neuro psych. It's prefixes. It's neuro. Neurobiol psychology, and it's apparently a very repeatable journal. Anyway, that's word salad, I think. Like the the lute here really is the, is in the coping mechanism. It runs through, in a way that made me feel validated to see it written down in the dictionary. And it wasn't just something I hallucinated.

00;04;07;28 - 00;04;34;04
Unknown
It's like, I, I don't know if you resonate with this. Also, I guess I sort of know we talked about this, but I you feel late to the game. Right? And a lot of things that feel very basic. And then it kind of starts showing up kind of like it's like a Dragon Ball Z episode. And I'm like you know it's the prolonged like oh my god.

00;04;34;04 - 00;05;02;20
Unknown
Protagonist is about to lose freezer's about of Frieza. You know Death Ball. Krillin explodes. Things are going badly. Right? And then like you go Super Saiyan just this one time. Like, until, you know, whatever, you know, like it's your your ass on dopamine. Goku! Yeah, yeah. No. Yeah, exactly. And then, and, you know, you're like. You're like my ass on dopamine, and I'm suddenly Kakarot going Super Saiyan, right?

00;05;02;21 - 00;05;33;01
Unknown
Exactly. And then I'm just invested enough again in my own stupid narrative. I'm like, fine. I was honestly about to turn off the fucking TV, but okay, fine, I'm coming. Okay, I'm coming back. Well, and that's. And that's why, like, this was so important to me. Because for me, like, creating for the internet, it like, and putting my face out there like, there's been a lot of, like, physical anxiety of of just seeing myself on camera, like that's something I've been very open about.

00;05;33;03 - 00;05;55;06
Unknown
It's also like facing the consequences of my executive dysfunction causes me no dopamine at all. Right? Whereas, like, so this podcast is something new. The dopamine is there, right? Like it's like you're it sucks it out into a vacuum. But now it makes me want to create. Now it makes me want to do this again because I remember what that fix is like.

00;05;55;08 - 00;06;31;28
Unknown
Do you know what I mean? Reclaim my man. Yeah, yeah, I feel that. I feel that deeply. And to that, I guess to me to bring it all the way back, to be a late bloomer. Your ability is something innate, whether it's attributes, talents, capacity to understand something. And sometimes that can even be properly developmental, such that, we're talking about the, measurable delays in childhood development of things like executive functioning, like you're talking about.

00;06;33;00 - 00;07;00;29
Unknown
So to me, it's like people that flaw, their flaw for these things is very low for executive functioning, emotional processing or regulation. Even visual spatial things. Right. Like tying your shoes is the example that comes to mind. And that's because that was me. And I was like, you know, and then the emotional regulation, I was like, oh, great to ask a third time.

00;07;00;29 - 00;07;28;18
Unknown
So I just like, yeah, like I wrote the way that I was like doing more work to just like, hide the fact that I couldn't tie my shoes than to just fucking learn to tie my shoes. Shit, that actually, yeah, I actually that brought something back to me that I forgot. I did struggle with that growing up like that was something that like, I remember, I think I even remember being asked like, why couldn't I do it like either by my mom or like another adult?

00;07;28;18 - 00;07;46;10
Unknown
Like, I can't, like I just said, just nothing like. And then the thing that sucks about it is, is that click moment because it's like, oh my God, this is the simplest thing. Oh my God, I yeah, like like afterwards you're looking back on it, right? You're like oh my fucking god. How did I not see this. Right.

00;07;46;10 - 00;08;12;00
Unknown
And it's like, if you're telling me that a shrimp fried this rice, if you're telling me loop de loop and pull like, what the fuck are you talking about right now? I can recite the lyrics to the song like, yeah, like. Oh, and the thing about it is that it's not even just like a simple. It's not that the thing itself maybe is just simple to others.

00;08;12;03 - 00;08;38;05
Unknown
It is simple to us cognitively, it's just like a delayed reaction. It's like, here's how you do it. Here's how you do it again, Jesus Christ, you how my stupid ham hands do it. Don't learn like the memory of it is like slippery. I'm like like you said, left, right, up and down. You know that meme or, like, it's like a common, like a YouTube comment meme.

00;08;38;07 - 00;08;44;07
Unknown
It'll be like instructions. Unclear. Got my dick stuck in the ceiling.

00;08;44;09 - 00;09;16;20
Unknown
It had to be created by somebody with ADHD or somebody who is a late bloomer. In some respect. I exact that person knows because if they don't now, they do. Because what they did was they encapsulated that feeling of like, I understand exactly what I'm supposed to do, I think, but something is not happening. And now my dick is stuck in the ceiling fan and like, somehow shoes are not tied.

00;09;16;22 - 00;09;41;02
Unknown
And somehow this is like, and somehow this has given me dopamine. I can't explain it. My dick is in the fan, I enjoyed it, I, I don't know what to tell you. I know that it's about the journey and not the destination, but I am also enjoying the destination. Yeah, I have enjoyed because I've also now somehow, conveniently forgot the journey and how it started.

00;09;41;04 - 00;10;07;11
Unknown
Yeah. And that's and that's. Yeah. So late living is like it's it's it's all of this. It's encapsulated in I think your floor for these things very low performance was, you know, a real dick stuck in the ceiling fan type shit. Conversely, then, if your floor is low, it is still of interest that I think you can bloom.

00;10;07;11 - 00;10;34;13
Unknown
So your ceiling is quite high, maybe even very high. It's like those, low level, characters in a Fire Emblem game. They're, like, weirdly weak and easy to recruit. And if you're playing the game on surface level, you're like, why would I even bother with this flimsy character? But it's because their ceiling is so high, like they're going to take entire maps on their own.

00;10;34;14 - 00;11;08;03
Unknown
Right? And I'm not saying everything you label them in is like that. Some things are just properly delays, and it feels like blooming just because you came from so far. Right. But I think people who have a sort of constellation of those things, different attribute caps and points of distributions in the RPG build, you know, at birth that to me is late blooming before they, they rolled the dice on their, character sheet for daddy.

00;11;08;04 - 00;11;36;05
Unknown
Yeah. Properly exact. Got a like it's like you're level one. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm a warlock, and I don't even know what it's going to be like to Eldritch Blast, like 40 times or something. Like. Like I'm going to really, truly. I'm going to bear the fucking, like the Eldritch Blast are 15, just like I am Eldritch Blast.

00;11;36;05 - 00;11;58;19
Unknown
But I can't fathom that right now because currently when I attempt to Eldritch Blast, I have an eldritch dribble out of my blocked eldritch prostate. It's just not good. And the way that I've been thinking about this over the many years since I've heard you bring it up saying like, hey, we're like, we are late bloomers, bro.

00;11;58;21 - 00;12;26;14
Unknown
Is that it? That it doesn't. It doesn't have anything to do with potentiality has nothing to do with capacity, mental capacity or anything. It has nothing to do with like what you can and cannot rationalize. It has everything to do only with timing and being becoming comfortable with living on your own timeline, right? Comfortable with like just being you and and giving yourself the grace to be your battles, right?

00;12;26;16 - 00;12;51;18
Unknown
Yeah. Like no where you need to push yourself to pick yourself up from the floor and not avoid the thing and where you need to give yourself space. And I don't know who has got the answer. RPG builder yes, the the DM or I. Actually, I guess I made the character. I guess this is still my fault. Well shit, I got the players handbook over here somewhere.

00;12;51;20 - 00;13;24;05
Unknown
Did I actually have? I'm eyeing it. It's on a bookshelf slash lamp because really, truly, I have white people furniture. So all of that to say, I have as we kind of got at this, but like I kind of wanted to mention to me, this is a way I have like really relieve pressure on myself, in times of greater distress, because I get reinvested in my own narrative of my anime a little bit.

00;13;24;05 - 00;13;47;11
Unknown
Again. And it's like sometimes it's something small. A very good friend of ours, told me that it's like puzzle pieces I think we discussed or like a pivot. For me, they're like pivotal moments. Like, you remember them forever, right? It's one of these things where, like, sometimes it's like, oh, my God, I couldn't play that ever.

00;13;47;11 - 00;14;07;27
Unknown
For I'm on the drums, right? I couldn't play that ever, ever, ever. And then today I sat down or like, I tapped it out on the pens in school or something. You know what I mean? Or like, now it's like I whatever, right? Some piece of playing that I couldn't do before that often is like a little hit of dopamine that gets you back in.

00;14;08;13 - 00;14;28;19
Unknown
Oh yes. Yep. You know I'm like I was about to turn off the TV but look at that. Would you look at that. Naruto is going to get out of it again. The snakey bug. My god yeah yeah it fucking yeah. Oh like Narnia or like it's Yu-Gi-Oh! And I'm about to drop a straight synchro summon Douki right now.

00;14;28;19 - 00;14;57;08
Unknown
Oh, don't like, don't know that. Oh, I am drawing the in, like the arms and the legs and the pussy of the forbidden one. Like that. Forbidden, forbidden. Not the forbidden, but does. See, the forbidden does. Did you say for forbidden to see this? Hey, look at this. Okay, I'm a, What? When? Having said that, having said for the Ducey.

00;14;57;13 - 00;15;28;14
Unknown
Having said for. Did you say. I damn it is one of these things where I'm like, okay, I want to see is he going to get all five cards and really overcome the odds, you know, and at some level, it has been a case of just like living and proving yourself right, and that's been good. You know, it makes me look back at my previous uncertain self.

00;15;28;16 - 00;15;47;12
Unknown
That said, it's going to get better looking on to an uncertain future. Right. But I am now the you know, we are now on the other end of that bank of the river. You know, it's the fifth day on Helm's Deep, you know what I'm saying, Yeah. Like and like, you know, like it's like that shot.

00;15;47;12 - 00;16;05;22
Unknown
Right? Sir Ian McKellen as Gandalf. The white at this point. And sun's breaking over the hill, and the riders of the Ro Harum are there, and they charge down the slope. Right. It's actually where the, the return of the King video game for the PlayStation two, I want to say, actually picks up. That's where it begins.

00;16;05;22 - 00;16;23;19
Unknown
Yeah. I could literally see it as you were mentioning it. Yeah. That's that's so ingrained in my brain game. Yeah. It's actually pretty solid. The third Age to the Third Age, holds a special place in my heart, and I think I'd have to revisit it because I worry that nostalgia has, like, kind of. No, I recently replayed it.

00;16;23;19 - 00;16;42;08
Unknown
Oh, really? It's good. Hell yeah, I love that. Yeah, yeah. I mean, we don't have to keep this part in the episode, but like, if we, I would download a simultaneous playthrough of that because that is like I missed that game. That's, that was that game. Yeah. It holds a special place in my heart though. But you were saying though, right?

00;16;42;08 - 00;17;01;15
Unknown
Like it's I was about to turn the TV off. I was about, you know. Oh, yeah, I was ready to unsubscribe from myself. Right. But then, so I'm. And I'm like, I'm, like, getting mad, bro. I think the author's fucking pursuing such a fucking tired point, bro. Like, he's just come on, man. Like, just get a win.

00;17;01;15 - 00;17;25;24
Unknown
No, I'm saying. Like, just just like, get it. Why are you doing this shit for all learn from this. And I and I never did, but but you know what I did in another way, right? And that for me, if I want to bring it down to why I think this topic really is the I don't know, I mean, it's it's real.

00;17;25;24 - 00;17;51;06
Unknown
It's who we are and why we're doing, why we're even recording conversations that we have. Right? I mean, it's it's yeah, we're finally kind of coming into our own and kind of figuring out, like, at least for me, you know, being diagnosed with it at 28, I had to come to terms with, under really, really, truly understanding how I learn and how I process information.

00;17;51;08 - 00;18;11;08
Unknown
And once I put information through that filter, that I have to commit it to memory, I have to actively tell my brain, you have to remember how to do that. Like and this is why whether it was a traumatic thing, a positive thing, something that doesn't even, maybe even give me dopamine, i.e. tying my fucking shoes. Like it just has to be autonomous.

00;18;11;08 - 00;18;38;22
Unknown
Almost. Right? Like I have to tell myself, this is the thing. This is why you do this. This is how you do this. You know, I do. I this speaks to me in a way like, man, I do so much stuff that's like just to feel something. And it's not like in the just to feel something because, like, trying to break through the haze of low serotonin.

00;18;38;23 - 00;19;08;11
Unknown
Like it wasn't always that. Right. Like that, that I acquired in young adulthood. Yeah. Yeah. True. But this is like, it's just to feel a little pride that actually I can do it because I, like, I just was like a, I was like clumsy and like, not aware. I was all limbs, bro. I was like a I was like a daddy longlegs, you know, like I was like growing into my spidery ass body and like.

00;19;08;13 - 00;19;29;13
Unknown
And it's one of these things, right, where you just get used to. You're like, I'm just not one of the people who I'm like, zealander's kid school for kids who can't move too good, but like, ain't nothing wrong. Wow. He's just kind of stupid. I didn't even commit. I see that's one of the things I didn't commit to memory until you said it.

00;19;29;13 - 00;19;51;29
Unknown
And then it just in my brain is just like I can see it, bro. Yeah, well, one of, like. So, somebody that I like, one of my most favorite people in the whole entire world, recently had me very Zoolander. And, I don't want to say their name. That's fine. But, anyway, so I rewatched it, and I was thinking of that, and I was like, literally.

00;19;51;29 - 00;20;22;26
Unknown
I'm like, yeah, ADHD. Like, that's me. Like, I'm the school for kids who can't math so good but can read weirdly good. You know what I mean? Like it it's that type of thing which just, like, typifies, is the archetype of, late blooming. It's it's like you, you just have this low floor. But now you're, like, on an upswing.

00;20;22;28 - 00;20;46;01
Unknown
Okay? So. Okay, well, you got to get your dick in the fan somehow. Exact. I got the ladder, bro. I finally figured out how to get to the goddamn ceiling to put my dick in it, bro. Listen, I've been waiting, so I've been waiting to put my dick in the ceiling fan ever since I googled how to jumpstart my car.

00;20;46;08 - 00;21;08;00
Unknown
Hey, I mean, I it's bad. Your car is still dead out in the driveway, but, God damn that ceiling fan. Most certainly, but I did. But I did such a good problem solving. See, this is one of those things to give yourself grace. See you celebrate that. Win, normies. Their car would be jumpstarted and that's good for them.

00;21;08;00 - 00;21;32;09
Unknown
But for me, today I got my take up there. I got my dick to the very high ceiling fan. Nothing like some ceiling fucking right. What is that? The. But just see, I'm sorry, is the ceiling. I'm fuckable now. I'm sorry. Did I cross the line? Is that the boundary? Is there a line I yeah, yeah.

00;21;32;14 - 00;22;12;03
Unknown
Okay. I don't know, man. That was just it's the. Yeah. I don't know, man, that I just doesn't like it. I don't know man. And I recognize it's me, the forbid as a guy. Okay. Or if I'm French guy is a little bit too. See Dell, the ceiling fucker. Bro, don't lay those allegations at my doorstep. I would never, ever lie with a dusty, fucking structural part of a building like a ceiling.

00;22;12;06 - 00;22;38;25
Unknown
Ludicrous. I don't want to be a ceiling defender, but also ceilings can't consent, so, like, there's that too, God, I know, and it's just like. But yeah, it's just not the time and place for that these days. Yeah. Oh, fuck Mary Hill. Okay. Ready? Yeah. So it's, ceilings, I-beams, like, in a warehouse, you know, and, a forklift, not the driver.

00;22;38;27 - 00;23;10;06
Unknown
The forklift. Mary. The forklift for dependability. Yeah. Agree. Probably fuck the I-beam. Okay. And then I probably would kill the ceiling. See? See what I mean? I guess you get that. Yeah. You're. I'm not saying that there aren't other inanimate objects that I would want to have relations with. Above a ceiling. I'm not saying that the ceiling is at the top of the list.

00;23;10;12 - 00;23;35;23
Unknown
Okay, bro, I'm saying that if I'm making that list, I'm not fucking the ceiling. You know, I was doing that JD Vance. And I bet you and even J.D. Vance, that absolute bottom dwelling man didn't put the ceiling at the top of the list. Well, it's only because the couch was unavailable. Well, that's true, but even still, in that time of need, the ceiling didn't occur to him.

00;23;36;00 - 00;23;58;05
Unknown
Even then, he won't touch it. I certainly feel like, honestly, low bar to clear, but it's the bar is at the right height for ceiling. Fucking yes. Yeah. And this is how we became late bloomers, because we sat here having these conversations at fucking length, and it took so much time to get past it. And we're still here.

00;23;58;07 - 00;24;25;15
Unknown
I know, and I haven't even said what mine is yet. So I and I want to apologize to the roofs of the world here, but I'm killing the ceiling, and I'm really sorry about that, but I just, like I cannot miss out on my opportunity to a steamy night with a forklift, so. Oh, so you would. You would fuck the forklift.

00;24;25;15 - 00;24;58;18
Unknown
I mean, if you're married to the forklift. Oh, I'm shagging the forklift, bro. No. Yeah, I'm. I'm taking the. I have to pound down. Hey. All right, all right. Forklift gets pounded, I get it. And like, it's tough, man, it's tough. Like, I was on the fence about this, but. Well, okay, let me play the other thing. IBM never going to let you do IBM Pepper Potts, IBM Jarvis I b e a m Alfred.

00;24;58;21 - 00;25;16;25
Unknown
But for argument's sake are all all of those examples could also be a forklift. A forklift will lift you up. I mean it will also let you down. It will also let you down. You got me there. You're right. You got me. That's hot. I'm going to bang the forklift. You see, I'm saying no. I stand by what I said.

00;25;16;25 - 00;25;34;10
Unknown
I kind of I like the ups and downs of a relationship, you know? And if it's going to be forever, it's going to be forever. Yeah. That's fair. And I'm like, you know. And how many times am I really? But here's the other thing. I just think the forklift is hot. Like, all right. And like, that's not going to last.

00;25;34;13 - 00;25;51;26
Unknown
No, it's not sustainable. I mean, even at the in the acute phase, I'm not trying to fuck that much. Yeah. Like it's just like, it's just I'm not going to get with the forklift that much, like we might as well just both enjoy it. For what it's worth, I can't give him or her what it needs. And, hey, what they need, that's value.

00;25;51;27 - 00;26;20;04
Unknown
Need. I think it's it in this scenario. Yeah, yeah. That's fair. So I can't give it what it needs. It won't have what it needs from me. This is. But like but we'll enjoy each other's company briefly and we'll think of it fondly, you know, but IBM and I, me, myself and IBM know. And that's what I got to say about that.

00;26;20;07 - 00;26;49;27
Unknown
Yeah, that was good. That was very good. I I'm not gonna lie. The spirit possessed. I don't even know where the fuck I have pulled that up from. So we landed on Kill the Ceiling, both of us, which is fascinating. Yeah, I think the expectations are just literally too high. I like really, truly. I'm like, kind of pissed that that's true in the ways that it is.

00;26;49;27 - 00;27;10;28
Unknown
But yes, they are literally too high and I'm just not going to do that. Girl, it's 2024 like I, I give up. You got to come down to me, man. I'm done. You got to meet me where I'm at. And if you do, I'm probably dead. If we're going to be real. Honestly, if you meet me where I am, probably both.

00;27;11;00 - 00;27;36;09
Unknown
We're probably. We have both collapsed, quite literally. Oh, my God, I really hope so. I really like that. They're, like, alive, but not in this scenario. Anyway, if you will allow me to introduce to you, I guess. So we dug deep into. Why are we back to the topic? And honestly, the world will get AI.

00;27;36;12 - 00;28;00;10
Unknown
Who knows? Like our world, the three people will get either 10 or 100% of that. I have no idea. But anyway, the reality is, like, I had to dig into what it means objectively because, like, like we discussed, it's this all the cart I'm driving, it's the carrot I'm hanging in front of myself to keep driving myself forward.

00;28;00;10 - 00;28;19;13
Unknown
And sometimes it became at some point it became adaptive. Right. It's like what motivates me to really push myself to be good at the things that I have managed to get myself to be good at, or, you know, close gaps and become competent in the places that I was not before, even though I should have it, you know?

00;28;20;04 - 00;28;50;16
Unknown
So I found that definition that I read for you. But there are just to dive in a little bit more about what late blooming actually is. There's a very rich, landscape, let's say, of research and discussion, even philosophically about what it is to bloom and when it is to bloom. So basically you can see blooming.

00;28;50;16 - 00;29;22;04
Unknown
The term actually comes from botany, which I think is interesting. It's referring to plants, but it can actually really apply to anything that grows. So plants we talked about fungi. You can use the word bloom to refer to any variety of organisms, but also, you know, plankton, fungi, whatever. But if you get a bit more abstract with it, it refers to, you know, it's how we also quantify human development.

00;29;22;17 - 00;29;49;03
Unknown
You know, people like Piaget, who was a, psychologist, French guy, I believe, and researcher. Oh, I think I know the name, actually. Yeah, I think, yeah, yeah. I don't recall his first name and I rather racist or racist. I think it's John. John Piaget, I think that's his name, and I. I don't care if that's not his name.

00;29;49;03 - 00;30;10;14
Unknown
That's what I'll call home. I believe that he is deceased and can't object. Yeah. So he talked about like and quantified. What are some of many of them are now defunct or have been better reimagined. He's very much the kind of like, let's say the Gregor Mendel of human development. Okay. Specifically in children, I would say.

00;30;10;20 - 00;30;35;27
Unknown
Okay. So we're talking about how blooming applies to all of these things that grow, right? So people's development, neurologic and cognitive, in other words, and you can get more, you know, real with it. Think about people's careers. Right. Like it has a very real, tangible impact, people's development or ability to reason or like ability to regulate their emotions or like, really hone their craft.

00;30;35;28 - 00;30;54;00
Unknown
Sure. Like there's a there's a gauge, like, like to get to this role in this company, you should probably have X amount of experience in this company doing X thing or Y thing or like, yeah. And then gauging the rest of it at the end. Yeah, I follow you, I follow you. And there's like you know it's like man almost right.

00;30;54;03 - 00;31;20;27
Unknown
Like you're, there's like an amount that you have to expend and you have to like, I'm taking this analogy about the RPG really far, but just like stretch with me a little further, it's like you're you have to level up to unlock the, you know, the Eldritch Blast AR 15, right? Being able to understand yourself or like, you know, or like perception or, you know, like I can better understand nuance in a situation that I couldn't before, for example.

00;31;21;05 - 00;31;43;11
Unknown
And I think that really starts to make a difference. It can be very tangible. Obviously, I use the example of playing drums, right? For like I can detect different sounds and hear different things. My piano teacher today was actually telling me a really big part of learning anything is just how your ear starts to differentiate stuff. Oh, God.

00;31;43;11 - 00;32;24;18
Unknown
Yeah, yeah. Well, and that's like a quantify able phenomenon. It's called the there's so it's about the threshold at which you can you being your brain and your nerves are able to at which point they're able to detect a stimulus or a difference between two stimuli, the J and D, just noticeable difference. And it's how when Claudio Sanchez from Coheed and Cambria listens to music and I listen to music, he's hearing saying like he's like the limitless pill is down his gullet.

00;32;24;18 - 00;32;45;13
Unknown
Like seeing using 100% of the brain. Yeah. For sure. Like, and I'm not that, but somebody in his position is at a point where this is this is their job. This is. Yeah. This is, this is what they do. This is what they practice. This is what they rehearse. This is what they get to like, be in all of the time.

00;32;45;18 - 00;33;18;06
Unknown
And so their senses are refined to a razor sharp point sure. To detect those differences. It's it's it is. I think I have no evidence for this particular thing, but it is in my mind. I think of it like a refining an art. Well of course, yeah. I mean, it's it's yeah, there's a component of it which is like you have to like, you know, in the first Spider-Man, he had to, like, learn how to do his tower.

00;33;18;09 - 00;33;48;21
Unknown
Yeah. I had to, like, learn how to, like, be strong or whatever. He had to learn how to be Spider-Man. Yeah, yeah. It wasn't that, like, heavily puberty themed scene. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And actually was was probably a very good analogy for like for blooming, right, for, you know, growing into one's newness about for sure. But a lot of films back then like the seeds are blooming like is a very like I thought that was particularly on the nose.

00;33;48;23 - 00;34;15;09
Unknown
So I was annoyed. What's the point of that. Yeah. But like like what movie. Like there were what was that 2001? Was that movie a 911 baby? I'm just going to go ahead and Google that. Really? Well, yeah. Please do. Spider man Tobey Maguire. Wow. Really close man. 2002. So you actually, buy Price is Right rules did not lose some nice job.

00;34;15;12 - 00;34;39;19
Unknown
Well, I'm. I'm glad I could win. I forgot. Yeah, it is 2002. That's right. Jesus. But, yeah, I mean, a lot of the early aughts were fraught with those. Yeah. With those, those metaphors and those that image. And it wasn't even like, again, it wasn't subtle. There was nothing subtle, really, back then, you know? Yeah. No, there really wasn't that.

00;34;39;24 - 00;35;05;26
Unknown
But it was. It was because we had to go through this whole, like, the audience is not dumb phenomenon, like everybody was like, oh, because they assumed RJ and was like, either you are like, you cannot perceive like only opposites. Can you understand, only stark contrast. Thine eyes cannot behold anything other than Aaron Carter. You know what I mean?

00;35;05;29 - 00;35;27;16
Unknown
Like it's like like you said, like, very harsh. Like I felt very underestimated. I look back on that, I'm like, come on. And like, yeah, these better than that. Oh, this is what I mean. Like, we, they we in some ways though, I guess it wasn't right. They were still popular. Right. We blew, it was funny. Yeah, we blew them.

00;35;27;19 - 00;35;57;14
Unknown
Right. Our understanding of ourselves and of the ways that we understand things. We blew Alan Rickman his, like, down on his luck until forever. Iconic because he's Severus Snape. The Wikipedia article about Alan Rickman describes him in a way that I really, really love, and it lives in my head forever. It is maybe the best usage of the word languid, and it's referring to his way, his style of speech.

00;35;58;03 - 00;36;17;26
Unknown
Oh, as Severus Snape. But he it was actually kind of like his thing. His style of speech is described as languid. I love the way that that's used. It is one of my favorite usages. It's maybe the prototype in my mind, when I think of what something language sounds like, that's exactly it is that voice. It's that.

00;36;17;26 - 00;36;40;18
Unknown
Yeah, that's what that word means. Yeah. To Snape, like he's known for doing Severus Snape, portraying Severus Snape. And he did a spectacular job, I think. I think everybody can agree that they reached into their mind and plucked out an image, and it was Alan Rickman. Severus Snape, right? Yeah. Casting masterclass. And that is about the most praise that I'm going to give Harry Potter.

00;36;40;18 - 00;37;10;09
Unknown
In a way that's interesting that we don't turf no turf. No, no. Having said that, I respect the casting job. Yeah. For sure. And of course the acting job. Funny story about that. So he brought that perfect languid style, but he was like a no, like his first role. I think he was like laying brick or doing some other very charmingly, you know, like, very like sort of the earth bootstraps type, upbringing.

00;37;10;15 - 00;37;30;19
Unknown
Very wholesome, working class job, like a I think he's like, laid brick or something. Right. And then he got this callback in acting finally, at the age of 43, I want to say something like that. So, anyway, he wound up being so he, like, you know, I think it was to be in Die Hard or he shortly after that wound up being Hans Gruber in Die Hard.

00;37;31;01 - 00;37;57;06
Unknown
Then he got this wild Snape. And the rest, as they say, is history. Including, by the way, ironically, right after his first, and I think maybe second time playing Snape. So, the first and second movies, he appeared as a character called Harry in love, actually. So, I don't know what that means. I, I honestly, I was reading about this.

00;37;57;06 - 00;38;18;26
Unknown
I was reading about Alan Rickman because I got fascinated and I, like, read way more about it than I was thinking. And this is like, I've like it was a purple link when I googled it. So I've done this before. But anyway, so I decided that this time I just wanted to like, read more. And I found it funny that he was like he was tormenting Harry and then played a guy called Harry.

00;38;19;00 - 00;38;45;11
Unknown
I genuinely can't remember a damn thing about that movie. I don't know anything about it. I it exists in my memory because somebody in like a family Guy, by the way, referenced it maybe in in the vein of actors, though, I think a lot about, ki hui Kwan. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You don't, I don't oh, he played, he was in everything, everywhere all at once.

00;38;45;11 - 00;39;07;25
Unknown
Most, most not most recently. What is he, hot? I mean, I, I, you know, I'm, you know, I'm attracted to character, so. Yes. Like, there is, is she that dilf looking guy? Go Google him real quick. I believe the character's name. Wait. Hold on. Does he fuck? I feel like I remember think he kind of fucks.

00;39;08;01 - 00;39;40;29
Unknown
He was in Indiana Jones. That was like, I believe his. Yes yes yes yes yes. Okay. So you okay? So you get it. I can see it. I can absolutely see where you're coming from with that. Yeah. His, his late blooming, his late blooming publicly in this way wasn't even necessarily by choice, you know, because, you know, he started acting as a kid in Indiana Jones and then there was just this blatantly racist gap in, in Hollywood history, and that that is still somewhat present for the first time.

00;39;41;02 - 00;40;01;21
Unknown
No. And it won't be the last either. One day we'll talk about the Lavender scare, but today is not that day. Please continue. And they just weren't casting Asian actors. And like, this is a man whose dream was to do this. This is this. He just wanted to be this artist, right? He wanted to be this person. That this was his life.

00;40;01;22 - 00;40;23;03
Unknown
Like he wanted this to be his career. So he had to go over a like, I think a several decade span until everything everywhere all at once, and then crush that role and is justifiably getting, you know, I'm hope, hopefully I haven't seen anything since then. These glasses in this headshot, which suggests that he is headed for quirky fame.

00;40;23;05 - 00;40;45;28
Unknown
I and I and and he's just so humble about it. Right like and he and just watching that Eugene Levy type fame. Sorry I'm watching him watching him like come out and give these speeches, these acceptance speeches for these awards that he's winning and telling people not to give up on their dreams and actually, like, fully meaning it.

00;40;45;28 - 00;41;25;05
Unknown
Like that's what late blooming means to me, whether it's by choice or not, whether it's the right time or not, whether it's my ADHD, neurodivergent, divergent or not, it's clearly something there is something beyond just the societal. Or sometimes there is something within the societal that is causing late bloomers to exist. And I'm happy that they get to, you know, I'm happy that this is a thing I would rather not ever be considered a, like somebody who peaked in high school, for example, you know, like, that's not like having that, attributed to me would be, oh, God, too much power, too soon if it's true.

00;41;25;11 - 00;41;44;10
Unknown
And honestly, I just think the allegations would cause me to die of shame. Oh, yeah. I mean, I would be like, if you think the best version of me was that high school fucker, like, you're wrong, absolutely wrong, and like, you're going to be wrong and you're going to be wrong until I do hit a peak or a stride, right?

00;41;44;10 - 00;42;23;15
Unknown
Or when I hit multiple different peaks because I don't think people just peak once. I think high school people who peak in high school tend to, statistically speaking. But like, I don't think that like, people like you me I it there there is such a drive to be better all the time. You know, whether it is something that we are witnessing societally or whether it is something that we feel strongly about, like we know that we can be better and we want to be better, and we want to be us, right?

00;42;23;15 - 00;42;50;19
Unknown
Like, it's it's. Yeah. You put. Yeah. I that's why I think of Qi Hui Quan because late blooming is also like a societal thing. It is it is a trendy thing. And with the advent of the internet, people are peaking and not peaking constantly. It's on a graph, for God's sake, such an interesting point. I did not think about it that way as part of the zeitgeist.

00;42;50;19 - 00;43;20;28
Unknown
Now. I mean, it has to be, right? I mean, there's obviously we've placed milestones on ourselves from birth. We're like, well, they should be speaking by X age. They should be reading at this level by X age, they should be doing this. They should be doing that. Which is true. And it is. Sure. And it's on and it's it's hard because there's like this creep of like there's this creep of this, there's like validity to these things.

00;43;21;00 - 00;43;53;21
Unknown
And then they slowly like, I'm watching this. I'm very perturbed side now by this like creep of like corporate and like pharmaceutical interest in and kind of like publishing research and they're like embedding themselves into legitimacy by like, just like constantly being in the background and slowly usurping things like, can you give me like an example? Yes. For example, this is the first time where we got we got a vaccine for the Covid.

00;43;53;23 - 00;44;29;05
Unknown
You know, let Covid. Oh, I'm familiar. Pfizer, Moderna. Was, Johnson and Johnson, right? Oh, yeah. AstraZeneca. And then. Oh, yeah. JJ JJ that did not change the forgotten child, the hipster choice. I'm a Pfizer girly. I'm also a Pfizer girly. Yeah. But yeah. So, basically, I'm a Pfizer girly. And that's a thing we say that it's part of our parlance, I, it's part of my parlance.

00;44;29;05 - 00;44;57;21
Unknown
I will forever be a Pfizer and Moderna girly. It's not, I'm saying. But like, I didn't know it was West Side Story up in this bitch. No, bro, it is bro. Capulets straight up. Like turn up. Don't even last me like that. Anyway. Yeah. Okay, so all of that to say, think about how much like that is, like underpinning your understanding is in your vocab.

00;44;57;28 - 00;45;37;06
Unknown
And that's the name of a company, bro. Subliminal advertising they programed into your brain. You're talking about it. I'm talking about it. They made it into the language and like. Yeah. And I'm not saying that that was the agenda. I'm not saying I don't even think that anybody I mean, maybe they did. I don't fucking know what I'm saying is what that it says something and it says that if you compare that to these other inventions, for example, the polio vaccine, by contrast, was developed, were developed by, more or less concurrently by two gentlemen, doctors salt, Jonas Salt and Alfred Sabin.

00;45;37;08 - 00;46;03;23
Unknown
Okay. Long story short, both worked quite well. The self vaccine for a variety of reasons, including method of delivery, and some other efficacy testing was somewhat better and was the one that was rolled out. But they are both credited with the discovery of the polio vaccine. Contrasted with now. Well, it's attributed to a company they worked its way into parlance.

00;46;03;26 - 00;46;21;21
Unknown
I don't like that. Sure, it's, sort of scope creep and they can publish research and then you're like that kind of way because they have huge trials. They do. Right? Like this is like a big problem. Like, this is what caused the opioid epidemic in many ways. Like, this is what the Sackler family in part went down.

00;46;21;21 - 00;47;03;17
Unknown
Well, you know, or I should say Purdue Pharmaceuticals went down for right. Because they can conduct a study and pretty easily manipulate the results. I mean, we when I was in college, we talked about it all the time. Like, to disparage scientific validity. You have to basically demonstrate it is it's called being statistically significant. And what that means is that the result you're seeing that X is better than Y, or that this, you know, X is associated with y is to do with like why you got that result was not just random chance, right?

00;47;03;17 - 00;47;22;02
Unknown
Like you be able to reproduce it. It's a pattern and not just an observation. So you can easily manipulate a chi squared because you have to set in order to do the math. You have to pick a value for one of the things in the equation. It's a constant value. You can pick from a table and you like, you go along and you can.

00;47;22;02 - 00;47;39;07
Unknown
There are pros and cons and various reasons that you might do that. And I'm not well placed to speak on what those are exactly. I don't want to go wrong, but I know that this much is true. Okay. You can it's called the p value and you can manipulate that. And by doing so you can like inflate or adjust.

00;47;39;07 - 00;48;09;13
Unknown
What a conclusion says. Like, you know what an association is. There's this lovely article by the people at 538 and they did this thing, it's called P hacking, where you can actually it's an interactive graph. You can drag a slider and make, you can make an association on the y axis with good economic times or bad economic times, with whichever party is in power, the Democrats are the Republicans on the Y axis by sliding the p value on the bottom.

00;48;09;15 - 00;48;40;01
Unknown
And like you can manipulate any data set that way. And these people have a vested these people, I mean, the private sector, right, has a vested interest in saying and underreporting the risks of their drugs. And now we know and we we knew already. But this is not just theory, it's fact. Purdue Pharmaceuticals okay, I started talking about this because it makes me so upset because shit like this undermines actual things which are hard, true things like child development.

00;48;40;03 - 00;49;03;04
Unknown
So there are benchmarks, but it doesn't mean that they're not going to eventually clear them later. But because of this, like whole like scope creep and, of private equity and stuff, like in pharmaceuticals, I should say pharmaceuticals, not private equity into research and things of that sort. It decreases faith in, you know, medical science as a whole in a way that's helpful.

00;49;03;04 - 00;49;33;11
Unknown
And we saw the bloody consequences of that in the anti-vaxx movement in the 90s with Jenny McCarthy. And then again, in Covid, we bore the brunt of that, actually. And the reason that that's funny is because the blooming late blooming thing is the most scientifically validated study. Okay, about like Piaget things, these are like the most well studied things, but many of them use that p value thing where they slide it.

00;49;33;11 - 00;49;54;12
Unknown
But well, they'll oh. Or like they could have right there, use that same math so they could slide it. Sure. But the I value like they were the ones like the, the statisticians who did that, a lot of them were the ones who, like, demonstrated the math, like because this is taught in universities, right. Because a lot of these people were doing these either as it is and then like publish this.

00;49;54;12 - 00;50;29;10
Unknown
Right? They were like, oh, everybody, did you know this? So we have to be careful. Well, yeah. Like everybody should know this and be aware of this thing that is occurring and co-occurring constantly. Yeah, I get you. Yeah. Exactly. The scientific process. Academia has a lot of problems. It is a rotting system in many ways. But one piece of it that I think is a very good example of internal and external consistency is that, it's not foolproof, but you need to get consensus reproducibility.

00;50;29;13 - 00;51;15;17
Unknown
There are certain tenants that, any study has to uphold in order to be considered like, valid. And it's helpful because it's like, can other people reproduce it? What are the conditions like? You have to be able to measure that very precisely. I mean, I think it's I think it's a cool thing that that this is this is how we kind of, figured out how to test these things and how to then validate that late blooming as a scientific and societal like thing, I find I find that information to be incredibly validating, actually, because I was sitting with being a late bloomer, for well over a decade now, I think, and thinking about

00;51;15;17 - 00;51;43;23
Unknown
it in positive, negative and neutral ways and having science but having science behind it is very, very, very gratifying because I was not something I ever thought to like Google. It was not something I ever. I was just like, this is just a fact of like living as a human on the planet Earth. You know, you're saying, I'm hearing you say that it helped you to better contextualize that as something that could be measured.

00;51;43;23 - 00;52;01;11
Unknown
And it wasn't just like something existentially terrible about you. Or am I putting you well, right, right. No. Yeah. Exactly. Like, because I just I was thinking of it from an existential point of view. I was looking at it from a societal view and like an and like an internal validation view, not just the external validation of it.

00;52;01;11 - 00;52;31;24
Unknown
Right. Like I was using it to make myself feel better about how I learn, when I learn and not necessarily being in control of when I bloom, you know, like it doesn't feel to some degree controllable. And because there are literal scientific measurements and capabilities here, I feel better. Like that makes me feel a little bit more seen, and it makes me feel a little bit more real and valid.

00;52;31;24 - 00;52;54;02
Unknown
I got to be honest. Like I did not know this. I genuinely did not know that there was something quantifiable. I really just thought it was society being society, you know? Oh my God, you anticipated where I was trying to take this as far as the, like the like why I brought up all the science thing. I was like, because, like, that's how it helped me.

00;52;54;02 - 00;53;24;01
Unknown
Context, apply context to my own blue. Okay. See I did it the reverse, I did it as like, almost like in spite of society kind of thing. Well yeah. Because I mean I guess your entire frame of reference for it was different than mine in that I knew because of the certain advantages conferred to me by my parents occupations.

00;53;24;01 - 00;53;59;04
Unknown
Basically, I was able to know that there was a likelihood, with some degree of evidence, that I would be blooming in the distant future, right? No matter how bad it felt at the time. Right. And it always does. It was a thing, and it always does. Yeah. And it's hard to. Yeah. The science being there though, has been a comfort blanket for me my whole life is what I'm trying to say.

00;53;59;06 - 00;54;27;10
Unknown
So in some way I feel like there's a degree of complex grief that happens. You no get the answer to why this is. Maybe. Would you agree? This is something you were describing to me earlier, and I thought it was worth picking back up in the context of blooming, because I know that it has a lot to do, actually, with, some other things that are co-morbid with late blooming and with, neurodivergent, such as ADHD.

00;54;27;12 - 00;54;57;19
Unknown
Yeah. No, I think it feels like I do think it feels like grief on and off. I, you know, I, I grieve time lost. You know, I'm so obsessed with time and I wish I wasn't, but I, I, you know, I just, I can almost hear the ticking clock and it's, Yeah, it's it's hard to come to terms with, like, if if I had that reason, I would I have felt better.

00;54;57;19 - 00;55;17;00
Unknown
I wonder is, is really what it is. And I'll always have to wonder that. And I'll always have to, I'll have to grieve the loss of certain relationships. Not romantic. Not just romantic relationships. But that was another big cause of of the grief there and the, you know. Well, just just life. Right? Yeah. That like, you would have done better by it maybe.

00;55;17;05 - 00;55;42;02
Unknown
Or like, maybe you would have been able to help them do better by you, right? Or even moments where I should have been more attentive, less forgetful, less this, less that, less. But you know, you can't change what's happened, right? You can't change. Yeah. You can't change your DNA. I mean, not yet anyway. Not as that, not as, you know, you you can, but you can't.

00;55;42;02 - 00;56;04;15
Unknown
And. Yeah, they maybe. Yeah, that's actually probably a good topic. I just, I found a lot of hope in it, a lot more hope in it. After the diagnosis. But I found hope in the idea of being a late bloomer. I found it very comforting because it was like whether or not I was neurodivergent, which I had always suspected, I just, I was always just like, well, I'm just one of those.

00;56;04;18 - 00;56;26;13
Unknown
I'm just one of those guys that's just going to, you know, figure it out later. I always figure it out later. Yeah, that's that's it. And there's, like, this weird sense sometimes. And tell me if this is your experience, too, because what I'm hearing you say is that. Yeah, this is fucking up for me right now. But like, I, you know, I've, I've tuned back into my narrative before.

00;56;26;13 - 00;56;48;17
Unknown
We've pulled ourselves out of this. There's a way out. And I can always, like, you know, that the next break is possibly just around the corner and you might be super sad. You know? Yeah. I mean, right, right. And and the thing about it is, you know, when I, when I was always talking about this stuff, specifically with Holly, I was just like, I don't know how I'm going to get through this.

00;56;48;17 - 00;57;04;21
Unknown
Like, I don't know how I'm going to get out of this depression. I don't know how I'm going to get out of my current job. I don't know how I'm going to make content creation happen. I don't know what I want. I don't know if I like, do I go after my dreams? Do I give up on that and be more pragmatic?

00;57;04;21 - 00;57;35;11
Unknown
Do I, you know, and they always they always look at me and they always tell me, you'll figure it out. You always do. And yeah, man, there's some. It's. Yeah. And and I think it comes with defining your resilience. Right. And I think it comes with late blooming I think my resilience is stronger because I had to deal with that absolute hell of self-doubt constantly of imposter syndrome constantly.

00;57;35;14 - 00;58;04;06
Unknown
That is measurably true. Actually. That is verified. That's a certified brain fact. What you mean? I'm saying like people have said, that's a that's a certified brain fact, right? Horn like that's that has been studied. And actually that it's maybe not as uncommon as we think either. There's good evidence that people continue to bloom into their 60s, even actually, and learn new skills and remain able to do so.

00;58;04;08 - 00;58;25;11
Unknown
Yeah. I mean, there's like I think I heard that how however you feel about it, like, Colonel Sanders. Right. I think found only success in his 70s. That's true. I I'd have to look, I don't I don't know if I'm talking about this right now, but yeah, that's the KFC guy. That is the KFC guy. Yeah, that is the KFC guy.

00;58;25;12 - 00;58;50;17
Unknown
He's something something Confederacy. Right? I don't think I like him. I don't I mean, I don't know either or necessarily am I being racist to the South? I don't know man. At the end of the day, like for me, not only does all of this being quantifiable and having been tested and like etc., etc., it's, it's it's proven in my life as I've moved forward.

00;58;50;21 - 00;59;13;29
Unknown
I used to get most improved like awards all the time because when I started something initially I was not ever good at it and I still to this day will sometimes be like, I didn't do this the right time the first time, so I'm never doing it again. But there are situations where it's like, oh, many things I have done that with.

00;59;13;29 - 00;59;28;24
Unknown
I relate to this so hard. Oh, same. Oh, I've given up on a lot of things and some of it I think is like for a lack of heart as well. And I but I know a lot of it. I know the catalyst is usually somebody showed me how to do this. I couldn't replicate it immediately. I'm done.

00;59;28;25 - 00;59;46;16
Unknown
I must be fucking stupid. I quit, right? But then if you're me, if you're me, well, no. That's literally my inner monologue. My inner monologue is like, you didn't do this right the first time, and you're dumb, which is the dumb. Also the dumbest thing to do. I'm dumb for doing that. Actually, that's the. That's the army of the dead, bro.

00;59;46;16 - 01;00;06;06
Unknown
They're marching on you. They're marching for you. They're like. They're like, you swore an oath, Aragorn. Sort of arrow thorn. Right. And and, you know, but. And, like, I've always felt weird about getting those awards because it was all like it was either a physical award or somebody would say, oh, if I could, I would give you the most improved award because you're one of the best at X.

01;00;06;11 - 01;00;23;15
Unknown
Like, I think a lot about driver's ed for me. Like I was so bad it oh, I was so bad at driving right off the court about that. Yeah. I was so bad at driving right off the bat. And I had to practice it, and I had to get way better in order to even get a license. And then I finally got better at it.

01;00;23;15 - 01;00;43;29
Unknown
And he and the, my driving instructor was literally like, if I could, I would give you most improved. You're one of the best drivers I've ever taught. Now that potentially you blew the potential. Yeah, I bloomed, I bloomed in that moment. But it always takes time. And there's something so condescending to me about the being included with a most improved award.

01;00;44;00 - 01;01;08;02
Unknown
Do you know what I mean with an asterisk like that? Yeah. It's like this guy was great, but he took time to do it. That's so interesting. I see what you're saying. I'm sorry. That's. I didn't think about that. That you felt that way at that time. I think because of, again, the aforementioned advantages secondary to my parents occupations.

01;01;08;14 - 01;01;32;28
Unknown
I was able to digest this in such a way where I can celebrate how far I've come, even if I started really low, because in some way, the weight of the backpack on your back weighing you down, right. It matters like you're running a race. Sorry, let me take this at the beginning. So the example is it's like running a race, right?

01;01;32;28 - 01;01;51;29
Unknown
Life. Any of these performance metrics, whatever you want to call it, learn and tie your shoes. For example, being good at math, having a good head for impulse control, even something as simple as like letting the puberty hit and off, that you can do a pull up or a chin up as a, as, you know, like in gym class, adolescent, you know what I mean?

01;01;51;29 - 01;02;15;09
Unknown
If you treat it as a race. Right. And and talking now in terms of development, you start out at different points, okay. And you have a set cap, I think or like I think generally we quantify it that way for the most part. Like obviously there's no like you're developed beyond what is normal. You're doing extra development. Good job.

01;02;15;11 - 01;02;37;22
Unknown
Yeah. Doctor Strange you got a 4.5 GPA in developing. You got you know, you're a fucking Jean gray. Like you're the fucking next dimension. You little fucking genius ass, brightburn ass bitch. Like, I, I think I, I don't get a line on of this person that doesn't exist, but yeah, we just we just made a person that sucks.

01;02;37;25 - 01;03;02;26
Unknown
Oh, I hate that guy, though. I fucking hate him. So fucking Todd. This guy. Yeah. What a Todd. Anyway, yeah, so I digress. So we're talking about the race track can be anything, right? But it's easiest to consider it in terms of development. Like I like your example of driver's ed is a great one. That's like basically a visual spatial talent.

01;03;02;28 - 01;03;33;01
Unknown
Right. Like you're calculating the distance between in fact, it is a visual a spatial talent that the fact you're you're quantify the distance between like, you know, the road, the cars around you, situational awareness for a lot of different things, the visual spatial input, how much do I pull the wheel in order to get the car to turn this much, etc. we all start at different points that have different ceilings for that.

01;03;34;04 - 01;03;54;04
Unknown
I know some people that are frustratingly good at like figuring out that space by just eyeballing it, and that's because like, partially, their hardware is really good for that. And like it just takes time to develop. Yeah. Like it just you have to grow the neurons. And I think it probably helps to not use drugs as an adolescent.

01;03;54;04 - 01;04;30;18
Unknown
So that ship has unfortunately sailed for me. But I think there's a point at which you have to celebrate the displacement. If you talk about it in terms of physics, to bring it all back. In driver's ed, you had a big visual spatial gap to overcome, so did I. I have it and still so many things. Right. So in some way, like I think it deserves to have an asterisk in a good way because you're like, this person fought at the like or, you know, I was thinking of, I was mixing two metaphors, competed at the highest level of something or like, got to this point having run they ran this race, but they

01;04;30;18 - 01;04;50;15
Unknown
were carrying a heavier backpack and started further behind. You know what I mean? Yeah, I mean, that's impressive. Like that deserves to be denoted because like, sometimes and in many things, you or I mean, yeah, like I said, you're one of the best drivers he's ever taught, right? So, like, you placed if you want to take it to I mean, you were on the leaderboard basically is what he said, right.

01;04;50;15 - 01;05;15;01
Unknown
Like, so like that's the objective metric, for example. And that's like, but I've had so long to sit up at night and read books by psychologists and psychiatrists that were people that, like, were the researchers that, you know, kind of coined and were the active, you know, contributing members of the scientific body of literature to the bodies of literature?

01;05;15;01 - 01;05;38;13
Unknown
I should say, right, because of the occupations of my parents. So I I've had that time and the vocabulary, all of that to say, I'm very sorry, that must have been like, that's a completely different new thing. You just taught me something, right? The in the moment. And I like your spin on it. I do, and I wish I had felt that back then.

01;05;38;20 - 01;06;01;14
Unknown
It was nice to be included in that way, I think, but it felt very other. No. That's fair. There's like a, an othering is very hostile. Yeah. It just it was like this weird space of like, I feel good, but I don't write. I feel good because the, the, the effort is recognized, the effort is validated, the effort is.

01;06;01;14 - 01;06;26;23
Unknown
But then it's also like, yeah, but you had to fight for it and you had to work harder than anyone else around you. And so it was very hard for me to kind of accept that until you had told me about, like the late bloomer scenario back way back then, you know, because then there was a most improved trophy that came for tennis.

01;06;26;23 - 01;06;58;26
Unknown
And you know how much I valued that sport in my life, right. You were are fierce at tennis. I've gone to your tournaments. Well thank you. But it it, you know, it was something I did love. And I was able to then go, okay, I got a most improved trophy in this and that didn't feel othering because I had a like, it's I think late blooming is about getting the tools you need to run the race with that backpack, with justifying why you're carrying the backpack and adapting to carrying the backpack well.

01;06;58;26 - 01;07;22;25
Unknown
And some of us are like, you know, again, like some of it's as simple as like and comes down to stuff as hard wired as how aware you are right of yourself, your insight, your situation, your growth, your feelings. Being able to verbalize and understand that stuff. Or in other words, for the case, for the sake of the metaphor, even realizing you're running a race, why are all these people even fucking running?

01;07;22;29 - 01;07;48;21
Unknown
Why are you running? Yeah, like that's how you run it. But why are you running it? I my favorite part of that is that it's like coming around the car in the least effective way. Like some flapping her arms like, hey, yeah, I digress. You you're saying that this is what kind of made you not feel other.

01;07;48;21 - 01;08;15;20
Unknown
Would you say that that's like a resilience feature for you? I think I think so, and I think that's why I really wanted to tell that story about resilience, because I, I, I do think that a more neurotypical Jordan probably wouldn't be this resilient. You know, it's a topic for another time. But I think there's, you know, there's a universe somewhere where there's a Jordan that's so neurotypical, it's painful.

01;08;15;22 - 01;08;45;03
Unknown
And I, I value who I am now, having accepted being a late bloomer and having accepted that there is a balance between the decisions I make and blooming, because I can't just blame, you know, for example, like content creation, I can't just blame the channels not doing well when I'm not even fucking posting. Right. But I can, however, find solace in the fact that I it's harder for me to executively function.

01;08;45;03 - 01;09;05;08
Unknown
It contextualizes it, right? Yes. Like I was carrying a backpack. I didn't know that I was supposed to be running. I'm starting to catch up with these people who've been running the whole time. Yes. And and and I'm I have to start at a jog because this backpack is heavy until my calves get stronger, until my shoulders get stronger or whatever.

01;09;05;08 - 01;09;24;17
Unknown
When it starts to hurt a little bit less. I also imagine it to be a really tall, like sleeping bag containing a backpack like that. Oh, okay, so we're on the same page. I'm looking. I'm I'm visualizing, like the heaviest hiking backpack. Right? Yeah. Like the one kind of that Brock carried from Pokemon.

01;09;24;20 - 01;09;49;25
Unknown
More or less was like thing in the rocks. Geodude, I assume. I assume Geodude. Yeah. Or like he's just crammed one Onix in there. One whole Onix. Yeah, like like like Brock is actually fucking shredded under there. I think that's actually canon. I'm not sure though, but I'm pretty sure that's. Can I really want that to be true?

01;09;49;28 - 01;10;16;11
Unknown
And in fact, that for me is true until further notice. Would you change this about you? Because I know, I know, no, but I know I'm going to say this again. As many junctures I'm quite sure. But no, I agree with you. I would not change it because but but hey Siri, Google the word for I regret this, but I would do it again.

01;10;16;11 - 01;10;39;15
Unknown
You know? Like somehow, like I regret it, but I certainly would sign in the dotted line to do it again. It's so annoying. Like, I just like I'm so sick of my this is one of those moments. I'm sick of my own stupid bit that I'm saying that. But I would. But I would. I value the perspective because I need to know that I had the backpack.

01;10;39;15 - 01;11;06;09
Unknown
Man. I can start untangling so much about why I thought I couldn't run right. And, you know, I was in our conversation, you know, after, you know, while I was coming to grips with my diagnosis, I remember just being like, it's crazy that I even got like that. We even got through university, you know? But you're like, no, of course you're like, of course we fucking did.

01;11;06;09 - 01;11;33;05
Unknown
You know, like and that's there's something very valuable there, and there's something very cathartic to it. And there's something, there's something about having life on a harder, difficult tee that is more satisfying, I think. Yeah, man. Remember, it's the same shit that drove us to be good at guitar Hero. It's like, I yeah, I got the achievement, bitch.

01;11;33;08 - 01;12;06;11
Unknown
I fucking did it. Like, yeah. You played Skyrim, I played Skyrim, you play Guitar Hero, I play Guitar Hero. But only one of us played through the fire in the flames with the green button, not rubber. Band it down. Yeah, okay. So there's just like, you know, I have some professional pride and it has to be in places where I'm, like, shielding it from the main narrative of my life because if I, if if the council caught me having a professional pride in something, they would come and sabotage that immediately.

01;12;06;11 - 01;12;25;16
Unknown
You know what I mean? Like, oh yeah. But but they didn't write the same sort of thing, like, it's that I love that we did it at that level. And honestly, man, like again, like take stock where you are in the race or I do, you know anyway. And I think you should everybody should. The point that you're at man.

01;12;25;17 - 01;12;46;24
Unknown
Like like we got here like it's objectively good. There are people that we know that are not achieving that. And I'm not saying you got to rag on them, but you know, you got to consider the objectivity of it. Well, right. And not to even say that neurotypical people don't have it hard either, or people that don't have to struggle with something.

01;12;46;26 - 01;13;20;22
Unknown
Virgins? I don't know, I said I'm not, I will not, I will not, I can not publicly nor me well, and I think well, and I think people are also afraid of discovering that they are possibly late bloomers themselves. And I think there are people out there that are afraid of the idea that they might have ADHD, or they might have autism, or they might have X, Y, or z thing that is holding them back because they've now found out how to cope with it.

01;13;20;22 - 01;13;52;05
Unknown
That's alien to me. It wasn't alien to me until I was diagnosed it because I was doing that. I was I was coping with something I didn't even know was there. But having the context, having the right medication, having therapy, figuring myself out, being able to have this conversation with you, not only like having it recorded and published, but like not breaking down about it like that's yeah, it's harming.

01;13;52;07 - 01;14;14;26
Unknown
Yeah. No, I get that. I, I you have all of that. I remind myself often of this, as you know, that you have all of that time that I had to deal with was compressed into like 30 years worth of time. Well, whatever. I was seven. So 23 years worth of time, compressed in there, like, you know, I got to do it spread out over a period of time.

01;14;14;26 - 01;14;46;16
Unknown
That's fair, man, it takes like it's a pillar of power to be able to talk about it. There's no doubt about that. As a pillar of power. Sorry. An I-beam. And, Funny. On the, Yeah, an IBM, I think on that note, we should probably we should probably wrap it up. We've been, we can go in for a minute, but final thoughts, the.

01;14;46;19 - 01;15;15;18
Unknown
Yeah, the only other thing I honestly, I thought everything mostly that I wanted to say. It's just, of course, vastly out of the order of the way that I thought I was going to say it, but that's showbiz, baby, I. I'm glad I'm a late bloomer. I'm a better, happier man. I have more texture. I am able to see brighter hues and brighter lights for the parts that of my own.

01;15;15;21 - 01;15;39;18
Unknown
Whatever journey that were dark because of stuff that I was doing or stuff that I held myself accountable for doing, or both. Sometimes I don't know. I hope that there's more blooming to be done, but there's stuff I'm proud of. I've bloomed in a lot of ways that make me feel hopeful, and I hope that's how you feel too.

01;15;39;19 - 01;16;04;00
Unknown
What are your final thoughts? I, I, I agree, I, I find a lot of pride and being able to balance personal responsibility with also viewing things through the lens of being a late bloomer. And, you know, this episode in particular, being the first episode of this podcast is very poetic in a way, that I can't quite describe.

01;16;04;00 - 01;16;34;03
Unknown
And it is, and it is also the beginning of what I hope is my own, like, growth and, and my, my first time having kind of optimism for the future, like actively like like consciously being hopeful. I'm optimistic about this podcast. I'm optimistic about creating again. I'm optimistic about blooming. I'm I'm hopeful about I have so much hope and optimism because I know I haven't peaked yet.

01;16;34;04 - 01;17;04;12
Unknown
Like in my heart, I know it. And I hope that anybody listening to this might feel the same if they relate. You know, I hope anybody that like, feels alone in that, that they aren't like, there's two people right here talking about it and have it have have talked about it for years now. Yeah. And we are upholding or no wait, sorry, upstanding members of society who are contributing in a way that is at the very least not net negative.

01;17;04;12 - 01;17;34;05
Unknown
And one of them is, professional who has student loans, and the other one is a doctor. And so you can do stuff and Mary and Ivy and really want and fuck a forklift if you really want to. You should. And in fact, you should. There's a there's a, there's actually only one piece of pop culture that I've ever fully and completely agreed with.

01;17;34;07 - 01;18;01;04
Unknown
And it's that forklift certification is an immediate panty dropper. My pants hit the ground like, oh no, fucking grace. Also, please don't fuck forklifts. This is this is the official legal disclaimer. Don't go fuck a forklift or a fan or ceiling or an I-beam. Don't do any of that stuff. But you can legally, there is nothing that says very likely unless you're in California.

01;18;01;04 - 01;18;29;13
Unknown
True story that you can't marry. And in an inanimate object, a woman in California did illegally marry a rock in the 70s, which is one of the most beautifully 70s and also beautifully California things I have ever heard. I am forced to assume that that occurred similar heinously with, like the Manson Family murders and also a Zodiac killing and terms of how part of California law that is for me was the rock hot.

01;18;29;26 - 01;18;39;11
Unknown
I never saw pictures, but I want you to know that I did look.

01;18;39;14 - 01;19;02;11
Unknown
Oh, I, I did, I did try and. Well, on that note, thanks for being distracted with us and taking the dive. And we will see you when we see.

01;19;02;13 - 01;19;10;02
Unknown
Each.